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                                           AUNT LUCILLE

        Aunt Lucille lost her teeth in the lake, while feeding the ducks one afternoon, at the family picnic.  It was a clear, beautiful, sunny day and the lake looked decent enough for a swim so Lucille, never being one to go down defeated, decided to retrieve her choppers since they were only a month old and she had not finished paying for them. 

            Into the lake she jumped, clothes, shoes, hat and all.  She began scratching in the mud searching for her teeth.   The water was only waist deep and as Aunt Lucille bent over, head first exposing her large, wet rear she looked like the ducks around her as they too bobbed for food.  The rest of the family began to notice the commotion at the lake and gradually moved closer to observe “just what that dang-nab fool Lucille is up to this time.”

            “Don’t surprise me, none, never did play with a full deck,” said one of the family.

 When she came up for air, her husband, Bubba, said, “Lucille, what the H-E-double-L toothpicks you doing in that lake with your large, wet bottom exposed to God Almighty in front of my family at our annual picnic, embarrassing the you-know-what out of me?  You can see your drawers, for Christ’s sake.”

            “I’m just trying to get my choppers back,” she snapped. “I was feeding these dang ducks and one nipped me on the finger and when I said some words I didn’t even know I knew, my dad-burn teeth fell in the water.  I’ve been looking forward to eating Evelyn’s fried chicken all day and I ain’t about to go gumming it the rest of the afternoon.” 

            She, again, bobbed under searching in the mud.  After the fourth time down she found her treasure.  “I found them,” she shouted as she emerged from the watery depths.  “Look!”  About that time, the duck that nipped her in the first place, spying something shining in her hand, quickly flapped his fat body over to her and with one swift move swallowed the teeth.  “I’ll be danged if that damn duck, excuse my French, keeps me from eating my fried chicken,” she shouted and immediately dove back into the water, scattering the rest of the flock as she sought the culprit that ruined her afternoon.  Needless to say, we had roast duck added to the menu before the day was over.

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